Every single word I wrote is now a thing of the past. Gone. Disappeared into the abyss. I could go find most of it on my old Facebook posts, but what would be the point of that? I’m not that woman anymore, so what she said may have mattered at the time, but certainly doesn’t now. It was difficult losing all of my writing at first, so much so it brought me to tears several years ago. I mean, most of my tears were over me being a dumbass too lazy to back up my work, but, today?
It’s a clean slate, a new day, a fresh start and any other saying used to signify a new beginning. I think I’m funnier now anyways, at least, in my head I am. I haven’t really written any single-woman shit of significance in over a year so I may not be funny at all. I may just be that crazy woman laughing at the thoughts in her head on the train.
The difficult part of starting all over is, of course, recreating the magic that brought me a surprisingly moderate, and supportive, following. Even more difficult is having something to say about the long-term single life while not dating, not being asked to date, not wanting to date and not giving a tall glass of fuck about the activity of dating.The last man I went on a date with (who persistently persuaded me to step outside of my comfort zone, give him a chance and not give up on “us” so easily without getting to know him) asked me out for our second date on Friday, cancelled on me on Saturday and informed me he was reuniting with his wife on Sunday.
Dating can, kindly, suck a bag of dicks at the moment.
I still have nearly two years of stories to tell, though, so I’m not worried much about recreating or restating the past. It will be good for me to write in an atmosphere where only two or three people are reading anyways: Me, that one nosey ass person I know sneaks and reads my shit because they want to know what I’m up to so they can pretend they don’t give a fuck what I’m up to, and some random wacko who got my blog in their Google search result for X-rated Julie Andrews content.
Ya know, at one point I had planned to keep my expletive usage to a minimum and/or edit out some of the letters in an effort to keep my blog reader-friendly. You know, for the kids and shit, but considering porn is freely distributed and watched on the internet with little-to-no filter I figure that would be a tremendous waste of my time.